Appreciation

Thursday, October 30, 2008

What makes me wonder is what kind of person that we would be when people around us that we mingle around now are actually not here with us. Have we ever think about these people; if they are to be other people than the people that we are NOW with; would we be different from what we are now? I always think about this when I started to not appreciate the people around me. The person that I always doubt most is my daddy.

It makes me wonder, if I have another daddy than my daddy, would I differ? And the answer is YES. I will not be the person like what I am now. Thus, everything that daddy did or said, NOW, I took them positively. It was kind a shame to people who said that I’m such a negative person in which I must think ALL things positively. The fact about me is that I think the otherwise of what people would rather think. That is not even a bad thing. My daddy who taught me to think the otherwise, when he always rebut everything that is said by me. Mama on the other hand taught me that as a human being, especially women, there is not much to gain if you are SOOOO ‘girl power’. At the end, the men are afraid of you, not due to your abilities but to the lack of confidence in themselves. If you’re telling me that you don’t mind living for the rest of your life without a man in your life; or you’d rather be a lesbian your whole life; then go ahead being an extreme ‘girl power’. As a conclusion, even though at times I might wish that I have another kind of parents, the fact is I would NEVER would want to replace my parents with others. And also my family. People may say that I have weird family or that I AM weird; the fact that I’m weird makes me untypical. I like the word typical because it explains our society. I would not explain more about this cos I don’t feel like to.

Appreciating each other is the key word in life. For me, the one of the reasons of broken homes are because they do not appreciate the presence of each other in the family. Blaming each other for self-made-mistakes is typical amongst the human being. Even I did those things. I’m keeping myself to keep reminding me that we are not perfect in many ways. Even though you preached here and there, there is no guarantee that you yourself would do as what you’ve preached for. But for me, that’s the mistake you make when you started to preach and make statements. There’s this one ‘friend’ of mine who once said that her/his family is now first in her/his list. It makes me disgust her/him more when statement made by her/him can ONLY applied to her/him. The fact that she/he couldn’t accept other people’s priority of having family in their first list, and only she/he that can have that kind of priority, just to show that she/he is such an angel, mocks me more. What on earth makes her thinks that only she/he is an exception to this and that other people must commit themselves to things nothing more important than their family? STUPID. Stupid is the only word that I can describe these kind of people politely. Bodoh kan? Just because you can attend that particular event and the others could not attend just because they prioritise their family more than you do, you want to show that you are better? Look yourself in the mirror, mate. And stop comparing yourself with people who LITERALLY prioritise their family more than you do. I’m just tired of your 2-faced mask that you always wear and that you successfully fooled the people who are such a fool to not to see behind the mask that you are wearing. I couldn’t care more if some people would want taste the pinch of what I’ve wrote cos nothing in this post that I mentioned names. So, I’ve learnt from my mistakes that some people are not worth it to be appreciated by me. Kan? J I’m not trying to show that I’m better, it is just me wanting to shout out the dissatisfaction of me towards certain people. You may have good grades in papers, but it doesn’t mean you’re good in heart. Agree?
Well, back to what I am I suppose to write.

I spent one night at my bestest friend's house yesterday night when suddenly when I was having a chat with his mom ,someone called his mom's handphone and she answered. It was actually Najib's brother's ex-girlfriend; called to say hi to his mom etc. It made me wonder how lucky Alil would be having Dalila as her girlfriend. The kind of girl who actually can lead him or rather together both of them face all the ups and downs in life. I discovered through stories that Dalila is actually the kind of person who appreciates the existence of poeple around her; even when the person is not around her nor related to her or was once related to her. He called Najib's mom during the Mother's Day, the Raya Eve; even me myself didn't call to say hi. Despite of that, it came to me that maybe she is naturally that way or she is like that AFTER she broke up with Alil. She is such a beautiful girl and I bet any guy would want her as a girlfriend; but irregardless of that, she still kept calling Najib's mom, for a reason that I know much - to still get related to Alil, in any way. Alas, people tend not to realise the diamond among the glasses when they possess that diamond. But when they sell it, then they realise that they did a mistake. People said that don't be regretted on what you had done but rather regret on things that you haven't done. On the other hand, one book that I've read; something on how you should think the otherwise from other people, said that you should not be regretted on things that you haven't done but be regret on things that you had done. I don't quite agree with this since I couldn't find the literal meaning to this. I know that Alil is kind of not having good times with his current girlfriend and that he has been missing Dalila and actually kept comparing her current girlfriend with Dalila. But is past is past. I don't think Dalila would want him back. All she know is that Alil is just another sweet memories in her life. She could get a better person.

One of my bestest friend is most probably going to Ireland for further studies if everything is OK. I would rather spend more time with him rather than selfish people around. He might or might not be able to go to Ireland but all I could say for now is he is my bestest friend. People may say whatever they want to say about me but I would not want to have the feeling of regretness again especially to whom I'm being friend with. All my life has been and always be about MY family, and not anybody else. So posers out there who THINK that they do put family first on their list, think again. Don't say that you understand these kind of people who prioritise their family cos you don't actually understand and stop fooling around and make people realise your true colours before its too late.

I just don't like you this much.


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why do we have to read Law of Evidence during our LLB (hons)?!?!?!?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I've been tricked!!!!

I hate him!!!
(not literally though)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's No Me Without You~

"There's no me without you
There's no meaning to life without you
Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair
When I can't stop thinking about you
There's no moon without you
There's no Saturday nights without you
There's no walk through the park

No beat in my heart
No I love you, No I can't live without you

You told me everything would be cool
Said I would'nt always feel blue
How come I feel like a wreck
How come the skies are all grey
How come my eyes are all red
Why am I alone in bed

You told me everything would be fine
Why am I losing my mind
How come I feel like a fool
Why do I keep losing you
Why do I love in despair
When you're not there"

'There's no me without you' by Baby face & Tony Braxton.



One of my friend asked me to listen to this song one day, which she loves so much due to the memories that the song brought to her whenever she listens to it. I got captured by the melody of the song and also the intro of the song. I would like to say that I dedicate this song to my mom and dad even though my mom would never read this blog due to her outdated information on information technology. Hehehehe... (I'm just happy regardless of the workloads that will never ends cos my mom is coming over tomorrow!) :-)

When people would dedicate this song to their lovers, to their memories etc, I would rather dedicated this to my parents.

"There's no me without you, there's no meaning to life without you". These are the sentences that first captured me with this song and the picture of my mom and dad came to my mind. I'm actually lack of topic to write a post but since one of my close friends asked me to write one since she is too, bored.

Flash back, back when I was around 3 years old, life was very simple to my parents (I guess). We lived in Terengganu, only me and my mom whilst my dad is still studying back then. I remember when I was sooooo happy when I saw my dad (probably during the weekend cos I can't remember). He would take me to the beach. I had not much memories about my mom back then but when I went through the pictures, I know that she adores me very much. I was her everything. To me, I was the not a cute baby and toddler but to my mom, I was an angel (with kulit hitam, no hair, pipi bulat gile, dahi luas). It came to my mind how our mother would risk her life, from the day that she decided to devote her life to a person called 'a husband'. When she's married, she will have to bear the hardship of carrying a baby in her for nine months, kaki bengkak macam belon air (I saw Najib's sister's feet and it scares me that much that I would kill my husband if he dare to betray me), so more she have to help her husband to earn money in order to feed and raise up her baby, with all the emotional breakdowns, the 'mengidam' part, especially when she couldn't get what she wanted. But I believe that in ANY relationship, there is NO ex-parte playing the role. Don't forget the husband who would have to bear with his wife's emotional breakdowns, the work stress, mind full of problems especially of how to ensure that there is enough money to feed the wife and the baby, to ensure that both of them are in good condiitons, and the most crucial part is to be there when his wife is about to deliver the baby. It would be very nice to have your husband by your side when you're battling with your life when delivering the baby. But bear in mind, not all men can bear the fact that it hurts to death when delivering a baby and seeing the pain, the blood, and to one extend, a human being coming out from a person's body. So, I guess, I would forgive my husband if he wouldn't be able being beside me when I'm delivering MY baby.

I still remember how it was such a heaven having chocolate ice-cream by the beach with mama and daddy, while my lil sis being such a baby when mama would have to feed her the ice-cream (in fact, she was a baby at that time. hehehehe). So it would be me with daddy whilst mama was busy with my lil sis. I loved the sand at the beach and how I would love to go there everytime daddy came home. I can still remember when daddy asked me to write letters to my grandma and when I finished with my letter, I asked him to post it. He asked me to post it in the red box hooked up at the fence of my house, in which the postman would deliver the letters there. At the age of 3, I really really thought that it was the place where I should put all my letters that I wanted to send to my grandma. The next day I checked the box, my letter was still there. And I did wrote another letter to my grandma, send it in the red box and the day after, the letters were still there. It wonders me, but I didn't think much cos I had my swimming suit and swimming pool where I bathe almost everyday at the porch.

My grandparents would call me through the phone; which I couldn't remember, and they told me that I actually spoke Terengganu slang. "Makang ikang dalam pinggang" I don't know how true the slang is but they said I did say that and it stick to their memories til now.

Mama told me then I used to have an imaginary friend called "Mek Dah". I would talk to myself and to one extend, I wanted to make myself a cup of Milo but instead I made it in a cup, I made it ON THE NEW CARPET that mama just bought. Mama told me that she scolded me as hard as she could as she was sooooo pissed off (it wasn't my fault for being so creative). I cried til I slept. Mama when seeing me sleeping, she cried. Cried that she felt that she wasn't a good mother to me. (I actually read her diary which I found somewhere in our current house during pindah-pindah barang and mama actually wasn't creating stories!). Further, she kept blaming herself when she slapped me, being mad at me; especially when I was asleep.

I shall not repeat the same thing that I had wrote earlier how I used to not realising how much daddy loves me. But, because of his egoes, 'poyo'ness, I am what I am right now. I may be harsh, I may be too strong, yet I am soft.

It came to my mind that how precious I was to mama and daddy when I was small. And what did I gave them in return?

I don't actually know.

:-(


My First Pic!~

Monday, October 20, 2008

My first pic after SA.

:-D

Random Post~

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I want a BF!!!!!
hehehehehe...

It's Complicated~

Our 9 hours of journey from Perlis to Shah Alam. Sick~ yet we were soooo happy!!! Nice knowing each other THAT much.

Radhi who drove my car like whacko~

My GPS'~

Ewa yang tak reti duduk diam-diam~

While waiting for Ewa~

Ewa tengah tunggu Mak Amira tak abis-abis cover nak 'buang'. Hek eleh....~

Nature's call~

Ewa and Yana sempat lagi posing tapi disebabkan keadaan toilet R&R yang sangat daif, mereka pon tahan la sampai Sh. Alam... Our unforgettable memories. Cantik!~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today, I'm sick, having a minor fever that ended up wasn't so great since I have to stay in my room and slept like nobody's business, just because of a dosage of 'ubat batuk'. Since it is only minor and actually I am able to drag myself to school, yet I don't want to because I'm just tired of being strong and manipulate my mind that I can do this and I can do that. I decided that why not just take a break today? Yet, it is true that your mind, your feelings are things that you can manipulate. Since I've told my mind and body that we should take a rest, my fever gets worsen. Hehehe... Silly me!


But that was not the issue.

It is rather a cliche that a person told the other person, of different sexes, that they both could not understand each other's action and the reasons they did what they did; that both sexes are complicated. In other words, the males telling the females that they are complicated and weird whilst the females telling the males the exact same thing. These situations would happen when they kinda annoyed or giving up on each other or when they confess with their friends of same sex.

As far as I'm concerned and since I'm a female (hehehehe), there have been millions of times where I couldn't manage myself to get to understand the nature of the males. Why, when, how the act the way that they did.

For example, there's this a friend of mine, who is of course, a male. Here I'll call him as F. F seemed to like me for the reason that we like to talk to each other since we share some particular mutual interest. We both treasure the moment when the sun sets, both of us got fascinated with the idea when we would drive along the road to watch the lights especially along Dataran Merdeka (well, I always do this whenever I feel low), we like the idea of loitering in MPH, Borders etc and read free books. The problem with us is that we live far away that we don't meet each other. So, communications are just phone calls. I like being friends with him cos he gave me supports when I was in hard times handling my relationship with my ex; in which he would always gave me positive words whilst I had always been at the negative side. Due to this, I know that I treasure his existence in my life, not that I've fallen in love with him. It was just him, being there at the right time and the right place. We seemed to understand each other cos we had same family background - we are the first born in the family, the first grandchild and almost the same family background but his was kinda unlucky as compared to mine. So I THOUGHT that I understands him eventhough he is of different gender. But, it all started when he started to get busy, managing his new life (after his massive break downs), while me on the other hand struggling with my last semester of BLS, trying to regain all my friends that I kinda neglect them when I was in relationship (that's typical, ain't it?), then we tend to get far from each other since both of us were busy and communication was hard since he is living at a place where coverage sucks. At times when I managed to get through his phone, he would say that it was not the right time to talk; that he was busy or was driving or whatever reasons which I don't care or mind (since that were reasons that I always got when being with a person that was busy with his works, more or less very dedicated to his work). Thus, I don't mind all the lame reasons that he gave me. It started when my mind started to think that "does this guy thinks that whenever I call, meaning I really really want to talk to him, and that it will take him hours just to talk to me? Is that why he kept giving me lame reasons?" Despite the fact that I know he is a busy person and very dedicated person, does he know that the reason I call him is just to say hi and that he is remembered by me? That would only take him 10 seconds the maximum. On other hand, he might think that, since I call, I might want to actually talk to him, thus it will take most of his quality times thus it wasn't the right time to talk. Or maybe when I called, he wasn't in the mood to talk, maybe cos of he is busy, hence, he might destroy my mood by not being able to attend me? When these happens, I tend to feel disheartened cos when he DID talked to me, he was ok. Ok means he did talked like how he used to talk, the same tone and the same level of interest. It then came to my mind that, how busy can a person be, that he couldn't even say hi to his friend? In fact, even so I'm busy with my LLB (well, I know in working arena it is different from study life), I did managed to say hi to my friends especially to whom that rarely calls me and manage to be happy when talking to them. This is where it came to my mind that, yes, God did make us human different from one another, especially being different due to different sexes. But, why must there be misunderstanding?

Another situation, also a busy guy and very dedicated to his works (why on earth always get attached to guys who are busy?). Well, I knew him through my ex-boyfriend. It happened when I receieved a call and I answered it harshly since I don't like strangers know my phone number. Eventually, it wasn't anyone else's number that appeared on the screen of my phone. It was my ex-boyfriend's number but since I have a brilliant handphone, it didn't register certain numbers. So, we met up and it was three of us having our supper. His name is M. I didn't know what M worked as at that time since I don't really care what a person do if I'm not interested to be friends with that person. He didn't seem interesting since I have this kinda of level of thinking that I think I can adapt with, in which with that kind of thinking, I can be comfortable to be friends with. I know it may sounds prejudicial yet I am just being cautious. He was being prejudice too; towards certain kind of people in which he thinks that these kind of people are posers. Posers in his definition are people who don't really have much money yet would like to hang out and pretend that they are one of them. I don't really have problem with these kind of people; so long it doesn't involves my life - my feelings especially. So as we chatted, I found nothing interesting until one day, after raya, when we conversed through the phone, he was back then at his hometown whilst I was already at Shah Alam. We talked about how happy I was after the Raya and how Raya made me realised that whatever **** that I've gone through was actually nothing as compared to problems that my grandparents and parents had gone through. And not to forget, the happiness of being with people that support you no matter what. Ok, back to M. What make M suddenly interesting is the way he sees thing. Especially life, friendships, families etc. He was once a junk (he said) and now, his job has finally changed him to be 'a person'. As we conversed about how life is, he made my mouth shut and it amazed me! I tend to argue on EVERYTHING since everything have 2 interpretations or even more, but when it comes to him, I couldn't say more since everything he said were actually what I will say. In other words, we share basically the same grounds on which we always stick to, no matter what people say. I shall not tell here what he said... So, remember when I said that I couldn't care less what a person do in life unless I'm interested to be friend with that person? So I asked him what ACTUALLY he work as. After a lot of questioning, I think he surrendered cos I asked loads of questions which he couldn't lie anymore. So, he finally did told me. I would say that his job is a famous-every-guy-would-like-to-work-as. So, since it is kinda well-known sort of job, I surfed the net to check whether he lied or not. And unfortunately (because if it's true, he is definitely a busy guy); it is true. So, I can imagine how busy he will be. But that's not the point. Remember the cliche that in every articles said that when a guy said he will call you later, it means never? And it's true. A guy who don't like you will not call you back. I never face this kind of situation until I knew M. Hahahaha! Suddenly I wanna laugh of how stupid I was. I knew from the very first that he will one point gets annoyed by me, since I don't think we have the same level of thinking. He is such a easy-going guy whilst I'm not. Full Stop. But basically, people who doesn't appreciate you, you should just don't appreciate them too. Luckily he is no one to me so I don't have to maintain him as my friend. :-) Besides, I knew his intention already after discussing with one of my best friends. ;-)

End of M.

Here's another type of guy - a thinker. R + N. Both of them I realised that they have the same characteristic - a thinker. They think of EVERYTHING. I think I develop my thinking habit just because I mingle a lot with these type of guys. There are a lot of guys who think but barely do. But R + N are both thinker and they DO instead of just wandering. They have brilliant ideas, which are practical and logical. I knew N more than R but since I knew how N is, I managed to mingle around with R easily. Some people might not understand why they did the way they did but I understand. They are actually easy to understand (by people like me) but usually, they find it hard to understand girls like me. We are so complicated but so do they. R is a risk taker and so do N. But R is kinda crooked whilst N is very straight (which I always have hard time with N due to his straight character). But I guess, it suits them both since one has to deal with a lot of crooked people when he work later, whilst the other one has to be very honest in things that he will work as. But there is a big difference between R and N.

R, I would say, is a type of guy who is sensitive whilst N is not. R appreciates people around him and show it to the world his appreciation whilst N does not know how to show. Since R is rather easy to be dealt with (or rather I don't know him as much I know N), I would rather talk about N more than R.

If you know the kind of people like N, you should appreciate them and keep them in your list of friends. N is a person that cares for you but he doesn't know how to show. N is a person that appreciates you but he doesn't know how to show. N is a person that will be there for you but he doesn't show. N is a person who loves his mother very much and that he is willing to do ANYTHING for his mother and he shows. On other hand, eventhough he does love his mother very much, he actually loves his father more but he doesn't show. He even hero-worship his father to that extend. All I can conclude from N's character is that he loves his mother very much, but the question is that, will he loves you as much as he loves his mother, when you're married to him? I have no answer for this but a lot of people especially the oldies said that if you want to know how a guy would love you, look at how he loves his mother and how he treats his mother. So, I would say that, life is about give and take. If you got yourself hooked with a person like N, you might be having hard times to spend time with him, since he is a thinker and a doer, and also he prioritise his mother so much, and also he doesn't know how to show his love, his appreciation towards you, just remember, you cannot always take everything. You'd have to give too. If it is true of what the elderlies said; then you should be thankful of having this kind people in your life because you're lucky to have them - a person who will always be there for you and would do anything for you because he appreciates you, loves you and care for you. :-)

Oh yeah! R and N are both strong headed and both are 'baran'. Sket2 nak marah. Ilex ahhhh...

Another type of guy that I know is A. A was a lover. A sweet-talker. Any girl would fall for him, as he is also a caring person. I used to even wrote love letters for him cos he said that my handwriting was nice. I was once very close to him until distance made us apart. Yet he is still my best friend. One thing I could say about a guy who likes to play with sweet words is that, you must know their nature of the possibilities that a lot of girls would fall for him. But apart of that, IF you are the choosen one amongst the girls, I can say that you are very lucky. This type of person cares for you very much, but not as much as he cares for other girls. He will talk about you 24-7 until the person to whom he talks to would feel annoyed. He loves you very much and EVERYTHING about you is special for him. He is very romantic. He has loads of ideas that can make you feel very happy when being with him and to the extend that you will feel treasured and cherished by him. He's like the every heroes that all love novels would describe him as. But as good things always come with bad; a lot of girls would want to be his. So, you have to bear with it or rather bear in mind that all other girls are just his distraction. He doesn't have ANY intention to hurt you, but bear in mind, when it is his nature to be such a sweet guy which EVERY girl would want, it is hard for him to change. Not being sweet is like not being himself.

Of course, there is the girl side of story; which I'm not into writing it this time since I have to read for my test tomorrow. :-)

So, people, please tell me why guys are complicated and according to them, we too are complicated. If understanding other sexes are so complicated, why must we be with them?

Lovin' my life~

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

It has been almost a week after raya, and my stress level is increasing with such a minimal pace; and I'm lovin' it! Yeay!! Raya has been such a great soul-therapy for me. :-D Thanx to ALL my friends back at home, you're such great people that I love soooooo much! Eyna, Mael, Apex, Dayana (Dayana, be strong, God will always give us a lot of challenges in order for us to be 'a person'). Eyna, you're MY GIRL!! Mael, stop being blurrrr and I realised that you're not actually THAT blurrr! Mmuahh! (I'm like sooo happy, so I'm trying to spread all the love and happiness that I have til these feelings are getting lesser day by day). Apex, kawin jangan lupa ajak aku! (or kawin dgn aku trus! hahahaha! DEFINITELY NOT!!) Alhamdulillah... I love all 'my people' around me!!!! :-)) It's been GREAT when you're close to your mom especially your grandmother, cos you'll find that you'll learn A LOT from them. It has been a great fact that those people had gone through challenges more than us, and for me, it will be such a stupid thing to do for not taking their advice in life. (I'm actually kinda blur with what I'm writing since I'm using my other sense to listen to what Abg Rahim and Lily are joking around). I've learnt a lot in this LLB course, especially knowing people who backstabbed you, love you as who you are, people who look at other people mockishly just because of one simple mistake, people who don't know how to differentiate between glasses and diamonds, etc. It was nice having pillow talk with my mom and grandma. And further when grandpa joined. I just realised that what I'm going through, are actually what my mom, my granma, my granpa had gone through. I feel so proud that I actually faced it MYSELF and that they didn't have to tell me what to do, how to react, what will happen, etc. When me myself face the challenges, in a minor way, had made me more wiser. No wonder people in tender years are so cool in things and situation that we thought it is a big matter. And good thing about my family is that; they don't blame me for things that I did especially what I've decided in my life. But for now, I think, (I think) that I'm kinda tired of making decisions in my life. I wish I am a daddy's girl or mummy's girl, who don't have to think much about how they want to colour their life with. Yet, I'm proud being MYSELF. Despite of what other people say about me, God is ALWAYS there. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. If I'm right, then I'm right. I realised that I cannot expect much from a person, eventhough he/she is your bestest friend. When you wish that your best friend knows what you actually want and feel at that particular moment, yet he/she fail to realise that, don't blame him/her. Because I realised that, I KNOW that I inherit A LOT of my dad's genes, yet, it took him 21 years to understand me. Me means my soul (although not 100%). I was amazed when I actually (literally) don't have to tell him ANYTHING to make him know what I actually feel at a particular time, and he just understands. It also amazed me that much when my dad is actually wiser day by day. :-) And NOW I realised that he actually loves me! :-) I onced thought that he doesn't love me cos he never would want to make my life easy, but my bestest friend once told me; "Nisya, look at this way... Your dad make your life miserable cos he cares for you, he loves you. He wants you to be 'a person', not typical. He might not show literally how much he loves you or loves you, but you must understand, HE LOVES YOU..." Babe, I miss you!!!!! So, what I learned was that, you're lucky if you found your soulmate, but if you feel like you don't (especially me), give that person a chance... Ok, I think I'm done. Banyak lagi keje nak buat tapi malas nak buat. Yet, I'm STILL happy!!!!~ :-)


A butterfly which Radhi made for me after our convey files were sent!~

Another butterfly after Bankruptcy class!~ But it wasn't for me. :-p

Powerless~

Thursday, October 2, 2008

It is true when people said that being different is what makes people complement each other; water with fire, and otherwise. But what make it worst is when people are too different that they can't understand each other. In a sense that at one point, it irritates you to the max when the person which used to complement you, could just NOT understand why you act the way you did.

It happens to me most of time when I got home. I believe that attitude is inherited from your ancestors, the nearest to you is your mom or dad. When you inherit one side of your parents, you tend to be the otherwise to one of your parent. And what irritates you more is the fact that you CANNOT in any ways be rude to your parents in ANY ways. But the fact that we are human, we tend to make mistakes, especially to people that we love most - to unappreciate their prescence. You can't actually argue nor disregard of what they asked you to do. But the fact that they might not understand what you feel, how you feel, makes you feel powerless. Powerless coz you can't do anything about it.

Gosh... Why on earth must I feel like this on 2nd raya?? I managed to not to say a word and try not to irritate people with my word but action speaks louder than words. I hate the feeling I felt before. But, nevertheless, I think I did made someone I don't even know who, got a pinch of salt. Nasib baik it was just a pinch of salt in which it may not lasts forever, not til tomorrow.

It feels weird when people tried to please you when you are about to leave. For me, cherish every person each and every particular day, coz you'll never know when that person is going to leave. What makes me feel worst is when I ignore, unappreciate that person. That's when I started to cry til someone comfort me - my best friends.

I'm in swirl of emotions...