True Love?? Nah!~

I've been wondering today, out of nowhere, whilst I was messaging my old friend from school, I thought of how true love never exists in my life...

It all started when I was complaining about the workloads that I have to bear with during the raya holidays in which I kinda like it but the fact that these workloads will not make my head stops thinking, burden me that much. Well, then when I was constantly messaging my freind, N, we came to a point where I made a statement that, "my life would be meaningful if I do all these workloads with a person that adores me so much as I adores him."

The statement put me into deep thought of how life would not be interesting if I live forever with a person that I'm not "in love" with but rather love that person. N told me that I can't ask more in life, whilst all I have to do is appreciate of what I have. And I questioned him, does that mean, if we want something, we don't have to work our ass off, but rather appreciate of things that we have?? And he said YES.

I told N of how tiring life would be if ALL things we have to sacrifice, since you and your spouse do not have ANYTHING to share in common. Even when both like to eat for example, but when both have different taste, you have to sacrifice. You love different genre of songs, books, etc. Yes, we have to sacrifice in life, but wouldn't life would be so boring if we have to sacrifice on EVERYTHING?? Is there a kind of life where both of you don't have to sacrifice for just ONE thing, i.e. that one thing, both of you love to do that thing? Take for example, cooking? Wouldn't life be more meaningful if we can do things with your spouse, when both of you together love and like and do that thing?

People said that life is not like that and it is hard to find the kind of love that I wish for. But is it wrong for me to keep on searching for that kind of life? For me, money does matters, but it does not matter to that extend where since money is so important, you have to sacrifice everything, just to be with a person that u THINK can provide you enough money. Cos for me, what the heck the reason i read law, and study hard, just to find a person that can provide me enough money, whilst I might not be happy? Yes, be thankful of what I have, but when it is not yet occur, is it wrong for me to find the kind of life that I want? Must I be thankful of what I yet actually have?

To my friends who are reading this, I'm not trying to say that I'm not thankful of what I have rite now, in fact, I'm really proud of having you guys as my friend. But, my mind keep saying that, once we go our seperate ways, life would not be like this anymore. You guys with your own spouses and families, me with mine, is there such a way that when you're a mother and also a wife of someone, it is proper to hang out at night with your friends when you're bored with your life? If a husband can do that without the society looking negatively at them, why can't a wife do that? Life is not fair...

But yet, is it wrong to search for true love?

p/s: I just wanna find a person that can comfort me when I'm feeling low and give me back my strength when I'm almost giving up on something, with only his words, he can put my soul together into one piece...

Selamat Hari Raya!~

To EVERYONE, Selamat Hari Raya Raya!!

Maaf zahir dan batin! Honestly...

:-)

Mood Raya~ or NOT??

Well, as all of us know, WE HAVE LOADSSSSS OF WORK TO DO during our so-called raya holiday! Duh...

I have like 6 things to do during the holiday and to be submitted on the first week of after raya hols (which all of us are facing the same thing)... I'm actually not in the mood to do work right now as life is getting boring each and every day. Everyday, balik rumah with workloads, with the littlest time to get myself to one piece, to finish up all the work that are pending (which in I never managed to finish it due to fatigue). Either I managed to finish my work or not, the bedroom light will ALWAYS turned on as I will be so indolent to get myself up to switch it off. (well, that is not the issue by the way). What came to my mind was; what was my housemates been thinking about me and my life. I did told them how hectic life would be when I'm in LLB and I did told them to be in charge for the rental. I haven't paid the electricity bills for almost 3 months now (which it is not my problem cos I did told them to just notify me how much and I'll pass my portion to them since I never fail to pay the rent to them every month). My housemates are my juniors (I think), I mean, they are younger than me (I think, cos I haven't socialise with them). Since I'm in the final year of studying (InsyaAllah), I presume they are younger than me. :-)

Well, those are not the issue by the way....

The issue is - MY LIFE. Hahaha! So cliche from a person who's writing a blog. Well, I was wondering, since LLB life is hectic (not that I'm regretting) but I'm putting my thinking hat again. Sometimes I wonder why I think too much of everything whilst some people who couldn't care less about their life, or their future, or they pretend not to think about anything? When positive arguments ocurred between me and friends, people kept pointing at me as a pathetic person since I always think things negatively (since people think positively), I think about the future far too beyond (which they only think for the period of 3-5 years from now), etc. I once being called 'menyedihkan' and 'pelik' by one of my friend just because I see things different from other people.

I wonder, people kept thinking things so positively, have they ever think that things in this world do not really happen as easy as we may think? It is a LUCK that we managed to get things the way we dream of, but the FACT that things do not always go your way. And how do they manage their life when they don't think of the negativeness of life? What always come out from my mouth when me and friends are having sort of a forum about 'life' are always the negative. Why? I just keep it to myself the reason I have these pessimist thinking (cos one of my so-called friend once said to me that; don't always blame people and kept telling the same thing to justify yourself as people around you might feel annoyed by u). A statement from a person who also preached yet did the otherwise of what he preached.

I easily get annoyed with persons who like to make 'statement' but on other hand, they did the otherwise of what they said. Don't they realised the existence of people who always remember things of what they said and store them safely in their mind? Me, being one of these people, tend to easily get annoyed by those poeple. (well, this is not the issue actually as I managed to get over this already) :-)

Right now I am wondering about how actually the politic goes when I finally get myself into work field. What will happen to all these people who just take things easily? And to people who think differently from others (or can I say, think out of the box?) Guys! Is there any comment??

I am wondering also of what would happen if I don't get good result, good enough to qualify me to get into big companies (as I'm more interested in corporate world). At that time, I was so down with tests which I did careless mistakes, plus with all those workload burdens that never ends, I was hoping there was something good happens just to cheer my life up (since it's been a while that I haven't meet people with happy faces). One of my lecturer once told me his opinion that in the real world, your result is not the main consideration in getting yourself being employed by public/private institutions. My aunt also said the same. It is hard for me to trust since now we are living in a more competitive world than before, thus, those comments sound too good to be true. Cos I know that I might not be able to get the best grades this university can offer, but I trust myself in doing work (not studying). So, can anyone please tell me how the real world works?

My dad once told me that life is politics. In order for you to get into big big firms or companies are all politics (plus you ability to do work). I believe in this but toward what extend this statement is true?? Plus, don't forget how competitive world we are living now...

So, please help...

Another disturbing piece of mind~

Its been years that I've been having this kind of feeling. The feeling of when you know that people around you are so impractical, so intolerable, so annoying. Not being part of the typical people around me, at one point, makes me feel lonesome.

It may sound pathetic as it may be but the fact is that, it is. But reminiscing incidents that had occurred in my life, I think, all of these are worth it. Worth it? Cos it makes me strong, makes me different, makes me the minority, makes me not typical, makes me the person who 'campak la katne pon bleh hidup'.

'Campak katne pon bleh hidup'. I once argued with my friend on this statement that he actually made towards me in which he said that I'm lucky cos I'm the kind of person who can live whenever the world takes me. In which I don't agree with him. I may be a lucky girl, with a family background which money matters are usually not a big issue, but don't people know that money is not everything (well eventhough I agree with his statement that money can solve most things). That was the issue when I positively argued with him that we as Malays, should not feel comfortable of what we have (in which he don't agree with me, by raising the fact that I don't come from a family like him). For me, it is not the reason of where you come from in order for you not to participate in this 'competitive world'. Sejak zaman nabi lagi we compete. Why must now, we don't maintain of what our ancestors did? Being Malays in Malaysia, having the 'hak keistimewaan' etc, should not make you put yourself in the safe situation. I remembered when I told Najib what I argued with my friend, the news were aired on the television which I saw LOADS of CHINESE representing MALAYSIA for Olympics. No wonder they asked for 'hak kesamarataan' between us, cos they contribute A LOT to our country! I'm not saying that we did not contribute anything to our country, but please... STOP TALKING S*** AND START DOING IT! I don't wanna talk much since these may raise many sensitive issues. But, from this humble 21-years old girl, still studying, as what I OBSERVED, the Malays feel too secured (in which it is not the fact actually) and all I wanna say is that, EVERYBODY, WAKE UP AND WORK HARD! cos we are living in COMPETITIVE WORLD.

Ok, back to what the I actually wanna write here. Feeling lonesome. The fact that I can mingle around with ANY people that I want to, but knowing the fact that only few that I can regard as my friends and best friends, whenever they went back to their family over the weekend, this is when my heart felt empty. Loneliness will always be my friend and I'm quite sure then even when I get married, this might not fade away, knowing the nature of men with their mid-life crisis, provided that I STILL have my friends, I might not be alone going through the journey.

Life is KARMA...

People Around Me~

It's been looooonnnnggg days that I haven't updated my blog.

Loads of things that happened along the way from the day I started my LLB(Hons) in which I find those are very interesting. Since there were too much things occur in my life rite now, let's start with things happened most recent.

Hmm... I realised that, not I've JUST realised but it's been long time ago dat I realised how bad a person's mouth can be. I could not imagine a person, without knowing the truth, when he/she was not there at the exact time and place when the incident occured, can tell the story in which other people don't even know (yela, sbb org lain tu xde dkt tempat kejadian). N how a person can just tell stories which were not 100% true to other people, making other people doing presumtions that is not even true? Oh yeah by the way, I don't have the skill to write as good as my dad write, but I just do! :-)

Talking about just do it, why there are people who only talks but never do? Those people preach here and there and it shows other people that they are so great since they talk like angels! and to one extend, they manipulate those people who don't have their own principle in life! Gosh. Even when I write this, I smiles of how stupid people can be. :-)

And another thing, why does people don't even be sensitive and care about how other people feels about things that they did? Don't they realise that they are living in society, in which they have to forever be sensitive of their surroundings? Is that why they are so jealous with people who can live like "campak je katne, mesti leh hidup nye." Is it what they did of what they did, they did it with the intention of making those people who are immune with what other people think about them, to make them 'fall' and be part of them? Or they did that because they feel unsecured of themselves who don't have anything to prove to people that they are worth to be friend with? Don't they realise that they are living in a world called politics and society? And don't they believe in 'karma'?

Karma is such a strong word for me. For me, karma is really true. Even in Islam, Allah s.w.t also guaranteed us that WHATEVER we did to people around us they will be reimbursed of what they did? (as this is called 'hubungan sesama manusia'). I dunno. I believe in this strongly. Talk about our relation to God. That is hollistic in which we cannot compare and even comment on other people's relation with God. But as things that we can see with our own eyes, feel with our own 5 senses, for me, I think this is more important in real life. Yes, we have to 'tegur' people who might stray far away from the real path that Allah gave us; but what is that for if we ourselves could not even take care of our relations with other people around which we can see with our own eyes? - daddy, is there any comment?

We can say that we don't need others in order for us to live. But, if one having this kind of principle, I suggest that they just live in 'hutan' where you just have to only bear with the other living things other than human beings. People who don't even care about other people should just die. I mean, hello, we are living in SOCIETY OF PEOPLE, not ANIMALS.

Well, I shall later write more as I need to socialise with people. :-)