When You Tell Me That You Love Me? Really~

Sunday, July 19, 2009

"When You Tell Me That You Love Me"
(feat. Diana Ross)

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

*****************************

I used to be exactly what the song is trying to describe the feeling of loving someone so much, of wanting to be the best for that someone, of being wanting to do everything that would please that someone; for just a simple ‘I love you’ from that someone and the guarantees that that someone will be loving you, wanting you forever.

But after I watched “He’s Just Not That Into You”, it makes me think of the different implied meaning of this song. A version that ones might not see if they don’t think like I do. Always being myself, always being different from the bunch of people, always being wanting not to be the one being stereotyped by others…

…is by always having different versions of seeing things.

I always think that life is about pleasing other people. Pleasing my family, my friends, my boyfriend.

But then, someone made me think that I am being indoctrinated by culture, of what my parents, my grandparents, my teachers said; that I will never think out of the box, being afraid of doing things that my loved ones didn’t tell me to do.

But that was when that someone was talking about my religion.

In which I have found the ultimate wordings that will NEVER change my beliefs in MY God – Allah.

That someone was right; religion is ones personal assignment with God. So, since it is personal, no one will change my beliefs no more as I have said to myself that Islam is my religion and my personal assignment to God.

I don’t care anymore what those people will say but I know, those persons are not the ones who devoted themselves to seek for the truth to find the true real path to God. So therefore, I shall not follow what they believe cos that is what THEY believe, not ME. Maybe when they really do read what I’ve read, maybe they’ll see what I saw.

As that someone always said; I am stubborn.

Well, that’s it my friends, my doubts on religion is finally answered.

On the other hand, another doubt has not yet being answered (maybe because I never asked from God for help); is THE guy.

Back to the song I said before and also me having and wanting to always please other people around me. Well, there’s no harm being nice to people. I love being honestly nice to people (without having implied intentions). But then, when you’re being nice, some people may interpret it the otherwise; the least versions that you would think of (because you never ever have that kind of intention in your life). I mean it’s typical for honest intentions to be interpreted dishonestly. I’m indifferent by that.

But then, I always like to please people. Especially to my boyfriend. And yes, I am too indoctrinated by what I believe, but I guess, I have to change.

I used to always wanting to do the exact things that were sang by Diana Ross originally and being made a cover by Westlife. I thought that having someone to say “I love you” is the best thing could ever happen in my life i.e. having a guy to love.

But then, I’ve been through many relationships and for my surprise, none of them would really want me in a way that I want them to want me. Having to give me so many reasons as I can say, their excuses; reasons will always be reasons. And reasons can always be excuses (not mandatorily be though).

I’ve come to realize that love songs are meant to be for lovers. And when reality strikes, who is your love?

Lovers means mutual love. Not by one party but both parties.

But what differentiate lover who just want it to be lovers, and lovers who want it to make it real and happen?

I guess, the will of taking the risks of not knowing what will happen in the future.

The will of I-don’t-care-what-is-gonna-happen-in-the-future-but-I-just-can’t-let-her-go-from-my-life.

And till now, I that kind of person has not yet come to my life – literally.

And yes, I am using that person’s words on me (as I always do). I am now not going to be indoctrinated. Not by my family nor loved ones, but my own principle. I am now wanting to let go one of my lame, stupid principle that I used to hold on.

So now, I should stop pleasing guys. Cos I know now, it is time for them to please me.

Right girls??

When I Think I'm Suffering From Insomnia~

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I thought that I could handle mockeries...

But then, I just couldn't.

I just can't not being myself. Everything I do is wrong to dis particular person.

I can't smile. Cos I smile too much.

I can't look. Cos I stare too much.

I don't know what kind of world I am in.

I miss our culture, our people...

Who smiles, who welcomes (which can mean inviting and seducing to certain clan of people), who are everything what I am.

A Malaysian.

No matter how bad the world sees us. No matter how bad people say about Malays, Chinese, Indians. I love them.

Now, please, some people, can't you just please try to respect other people? Try to respect other people's abilities. Try to respect other people's flaws. Try to respect even other people's religion.

I've decided. No matter how wrong impression I could give to other people, I wouldn't wanna care anymore. Cos I know, when I'm good, I'm good. Wrong impressions will turn out to be adoration at one point.

Some people just need to learn and respect. Not to change everything about us.

After all, we are not that bad, aren't we?

In Doubts~

Thursday, July 2, 2009

My Darling made me rethink about my religion. He didn't choose for me but he made me think. All the questions that were lingering in my mind when I was a kid, came back to me now.

I don't know what to do. I am confused.

I need help...

Please...