Powerless~

It is true when people said that being different is what makes people complement each other; water with fire, and otherwise. But what make it worst is when people are too different that they can't understand each other. In a sense that at one point, it irritates you to the max when the person which used to complement you, could just NOT understand why you act the way you did.

It happens to me most of time when I got home. I believe that attitude is inherited from your ancestors, the nearest to you is your mom or dad. When you inherit one side of your parents, you tend to be the otherwise to one of your parent. And what irritates you more is the fact that you CANNOT in any ways be rude to your parents in ANY ways. But the fact that we are human, we tend to make mistakes, especially to people that we love most - to unappreciate their prescence. You can't actually argue nor disregard of what they asked you to do. But the fact that they might not understand what you feel, how you feel, makes you feel powerless. Powerless coz you can't do anything about it.

Gosh... Why on earth must I feel like this on 2nd raya?? I managed to not to say a word and try not to irritate people with my word but action speaks louder than words. I hate the feeling I felt before. But, nevertheless, I think I did made someone I don't even know who, got a pinch of salt. Nasib baik it was just a pinch of salt in which it may not lasts forever, not til tomorrow.

It feels weird when people tried to please you when you are about to leave. For me, cherish every person each and every particular day, coz you'll never know when that person is going to leave. What makes me feel worst is when I ignore, unappreciate that person. That's when I started to cry til someone comfort me - my best friends.

I'm in swirl of emotions...

True Love?? Nah!~

I've been wondering today, out of nowhere, whilst I was messaging my old friend from school, I thought of how true love never exists in my life...

It all started when I was complaining about the workloads that I have to bear with during the raya holidays in which I kinda like it but the fact that these workloads will not make my head stops thinking, burden me that much. Well, then when I was constantly messaging my freind, N, we came to a point where I made a statement that, "my life would be meaningful if I do all these workloads with a person that adores me so much as I adores him."

The statement put me into deep thought of how life would not be interesting if I live forever with a person that I'm not "in love" with but rather love that person. N told me that I can't ask more in life, whilst all I have to do is appreciate of what I have. And I questioned him, does that mean, if we want something, we don't have to work our ass off, but rather appreciate of things that we have?? And he said YES.

I told N of how tiring life would be if ALL things we have to sacrifice, since you and your spouse do not have ANYTHING to share in common. Even when both like to eat for example, but when both have different taste, you have to sacrifice. You love different genre of songs, books, etc. Yes, we have to sacrifice in life, but wouldn't life would be so boring if we have to sacrifice on EVERYTHING?? Is there a kind of life where both of you don't have to sacrifice for just ONE thing, i.e. that one thing, both of you love to do that thing? Take for example, cooking? Wouldn't life be more meaningful if we can do things with your spouse, when both of you together love and like and do that thing?

People said that life is not like that and it is hard to find the kind of love that I wish for. But is it wrong for me to keep on searching for that kind of life? For me, money does matters, but it does not matter to that extend where since money is so important, you have to sacrifice everything, just to be with a person that u THINK can provide you enough money. Cos for me, what the heck the reason i read law, and study hard, just to find a person that can provide me enough money, whilst I might not be happy? Yes, be thankful of what I have, but when it is not yet occur, is it wrong for me to find the kind of life that I want? Must I be thankful of what I yet actually have?

To my friends who are reading this, I'm not trying to say that I'm not thankful of what I have rite now, in fact, I'm really proud of having you guys as my friend. But, my mind keep saying that, once we go our seperate ways, life would not be like this anymore. You guys with your own spouses and families, me with mine, is there such a way that when you're a mother and also a wife of someone, it is proper to hang out at night with your friends when you're bored with your life? If a husband can do that without the society looking negatively at them, why can't a wife do that? Life is not fair...

But yet, is it wrong to search for true love?

p/s: I just wanna find a person that can comfort me when I'm feeling low and give me back my strength when I'm almost giving up on something, with only his words, he can put my soul together into one piece...