There's No Me Without You~

"There's no me without you
There's no meaning to life without you
Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair
When I can't stop thinking about you
There's no moon without you
There's no Saturday nights without you
There's no walk through the park

No beat in my heart
No I love you, No I can't live without you

You told me everything would be cool
Said I would'nt always feel blue
How come I feel like a wreck
How come the skies are all grey
How come my eyes are all red
Why am I alone in bed

You told me everything would be fine
Why am I losing my mind
How come I feel like a fool
Why do I keep losing you
Why do I love in despair
When you're not there"

'There's no me without you' by Baby face & Tony Braxton.

One of my friend asked me to listen to this song one day, which she loves so much due to the memories that the song brought to her whenever she listens to it. I got captured by the melody of the song and also the intro of the song. I would like to say that I dedicate this song to my mom and dad even though my mom would never read this blog due to her outdated information on information technology. Hehehehe... (I'm just happy regardless of the workloads that will never ends cos my mom is coming over tomorrow!) :-)

When people would dedicate this song to their lovers, to their memories etc, I would rather dedicated this to my parents.

"There's no me without you, there's no meaning to life without you". These are the sentences that first captured me with this song and the picture of my mom and dad came to my mind. I'm actually lack of topic to write a post but since one of my close friends asked me to write one since she is too, bored.

Flash back, back when I was around 3 years old, life was very simple to my parents (I guess). We lived in Terengganu, only me and my mom whilst my dad is still studying back then. I remember when I was sooooo happy when I saw my dad (probably during the weekend cos I can't remember). He would take me to the beach. I had not much memories about my mom back then but when I went through the pictures, I know that she adores me very much. I was her everything. To me, I was the not a cute baby and toddler but to my mom, I was an angel (with kulit hitam, no hair, pipi bulat gile, dahi luas). It came to my mind how our mother would risk her life, from the day that she decided to devote her life to a person called 'a husband'. When she's married, she will have to bear the hardship of carrying a baby in her for nine months, kaki bengkak macam belon air (I saw Najib's sister's feet and it scares me that much that I would kill my husband if he dare to betray me), so more she have to help her husband to earn money in order to feed and raise up her baby, with all the emotional breakdowns, the 'mengidam' part, especially when she couldn't get what she wanted. But I believe that in ANY relationship, there is NO ex-parte playing the role. Don't forget the husband who would have to bear with his wife's emotional breakdowns, the work stress, mind full of problems especially of how to ensure that there is enough money to feed the wife and the baby, to ensure that both of them are in good condiitons, and the most crucial part is to be there when his wife is about to deliver the baby. It would be very nice to have your husband by your side when you're battling with your life when delivering the baby. But bear in mind, not all men can bear the fact that it hurts to death when delivering a baby and seeing the pain, the blood, and to one extend, a human being coming out from a person's body. So, I guess, I would forgive my husband if he wouldn't be able being beside me when I'm delivering MY baby.

I still remember how it was such a heaven having chocolate ice-cream by the beach with mama and daddy, while my lil sis being such a baby when mama would have to feed her the ice-cream (in fact, she was a baby at that time. hehehehe). So it would be me with daddy whilst mama was busy with my lil sis. I loved the sand at the beach and how I would love to go there everytime daddy came home. I can still remember when daddy asked me to write letters to my grandma and when I finished with my letter, I asked him to post it. He asked me to post it in the red box hooked up at the fence of my house, in which the postman would deliver the letters there. At the age of 3, I really really thought that it was the place where I should put all my letters that I wanted to send to my grandma. The next day I checked the box, my letter was still there. And I did wrote another letter to my grandma, send it in the red box and the day after, the letters were still there. It wonders me, but I didn't think much cos I had my swimming suit and swimming pool where I bathe almost everyday at the porch.

My grandparents would call me through the phone; which I couldn't remember, and they told me that I actually spoke Terengganu slang. "Makang ikang dalam pinggang" I don't know how true the slang is but they said I did say that and it stick to their memories til now.

Mama told me then I used to have an imaginary friend called "Mek Dah". I would talk to myself and to one extend, I wanted to make myself a cup of Milo but instead I made it in a cup, I made it ON THE NEW CARPET that mama just bought. Mama told me that she scolded me as hard as she could as she was sooooo pissed off (it wasn't my fault for being so creative). I cried til I slept. Mama when seeing me sleeping, she cried. Cried that she felt that she wasn't a good mother to me. (I actually read her diary which I found somewhere in our current house during pindah-pindah barang and mama actually wasn't creating stories!). Further, she kept blaming herself when she slapped me, being mad at me; especially when I was asleep.

I shall not repeat the same thing that I had wrote earlier how I used to not realising how much daddy loves me. But, because of his egoes, 'poyo'ness, I am what I am right now. I may be harsh, I may be too strong, yet I am soft.

It came to my mind that how precious I was to mama and daddy when I was small. And what did I gave them in return?

I don't actually know.

:-(