My Love~

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It has been a long while that I haven’t blog. Now am I stealing some of my time where I’m supposed to revise for tomorrow’s civil test. BORING!

Well, these 2-3 weeks had been very hectic. Lots of time that I almost give up of striving hard for good grades. But, thanks to my friends, especially Fadia and Fauzi, and the most made me inspired was Daddy – thanks Daddy, I know I mean so much to you and that you love me so much that you would never want to tell and show me. I never knew that you love me THAT much.

Daddy said that I am more like my granpa instead of like him (as all of my family always said). Yes, I have the nature which are like my dad but my dad sees me differently from others. In any ways, I am so PROUD to have his traits. As for my granpa, I just envy him and would want to be like him. He is my idol in life. Granpa – idol; Daddy – proud of being his daughter.

Yes, I blog a lot about my family. I don’t care what people would say that my thinking is so close and would not talk about current issues. I guess, that what makes me different. You can talk to me about politics, current issues etc and I can argue and give my opinion on those. But despite of I can talk about that, I still choose love and family as my topic. All the time; without fail.

I’m just missing my family right now. Things are getting harder day by day but luckily I have my support; who are my family, a best friend, and a boyfriend.

I miss the good old days where my grandparents would always, without fail, whenever we were on a trip to anywhere, they would talk about how I was when I was small. I said that “tok and tokwan asyik ulang cerita yang sama ja tiap-tiap kali”. And they’d say “nak buat macam mana, dah cucu sulung ja ingat cerita, yang lain-lain tak ingat pon.”

How I know that daddy loves me so much is when my grandparents started to wind up the old stories about me, daddy would interrupt adding his version of story. I never knew that he loves me until two years ago, something knocked on my head, making me realized that all these while that daddy had been talking about me when I was small, he was actually telling everyone that he loves me so much. Still, the memories about my other siblings wasn’t that much being told by him.

Whenever I think back about this, it will always be my wake up call for not drowning in the stream of nonsense where I can find everywhere in KL. Whenever I feel like I am going out from the route (especially when I almost giving up in studies – as that is the ONLY thing that I can’t cope), I will spend some time looking at my old photos when I was small. (Cute jugak me when I was small. Hehe).

The album contains pictures of mama and daddy when they were lovers at college, when I was 1 day old, 1 month old, when I lived with mama in Terengganu as daddy was still an undergraduate, etc.

Yet, I have been a bad child.

I was once almost being kicked out from my house. It was all because I was being rebellious that daddy couldn’t take it anymore. But, I got to my sense and I didn’t ran away from house.

I am such a complicated daughter to be raised. I never thought that this daughter whom they adore so much would turned up to be someone so rebellious when she was in high school.

Having this thought making me think of the babies that their parents adore them so much. The children at the playgrounds, the mall, the bookstores, etc. They were given all the love that they can have. Will they at the end of the day, remember what their parents had given them? I think there are some children who just don’t.

Alas.

My granpa is getting older day by day. He said that he was very scared that his speech is now getting slurred day by day. His weakness now is to deliver his speech in the court. (I wish that I could once in my whole life, watch my granpa performing in the court before he couldn’t anymore – my aim during chambering). My granma has been walking with sticks since I was form 5 and now, even with sticks, she barely can walk as she always does. Going to malls is her favourite things to do but she is not keen now as she doesn’t have that much energy and the fact that sitting on the wheelchair makes her dizzy and ashamed at the same time. I can’t bear looking at them getting older day by day.

Sad..

Right now, I wish that I could take care of my grandparents until the end of their lives. At the same time, I want to find a guy who loves me like my grandparent and my parents love me. I couldn’t risk myself being a wife to a guy who does not love me that much.

I wish…